I submitted this to the Wittenburg Door in 1999, but they said it wasn’t funny enough. Ummm, maybe they were right.
I don’t know about you, but I’m always intrigued with the sort of things people hand out on the street. It was just the other evening in George St when some religious sort with a serious smile mumbled ritualistically “’scuse me, have you heard about the Night Watchmen?” and handed me a leaflet. “Another fanatic” I thought, but put the leaflet in my back pocket to read later on the train home.
It was a no-frills leaflet. Black print on white paper. A couple of hand drawn illustrations. It contained some outrageous claims, but then, surprisingly, came up with good justification for them…
| Like a Thief, in the Night “The day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night” (1 Thessalonians 5:2). Two thousand years ago, Jesus Christ rose from the grave after being dead three days. But the story doesn’t end there. Jesus promised that he would return, but like this verse says, no one knows when. He will come unannounced “as a thief”. But what christendom has failed to understand is the real message of this verse: that Jesus will return “in the night”!The original Greek language had no punctuation, and this has lead translators (who are biased by their own traditions) to obscure the meaning of this verse. Clearly, there should be a comma after the word “thief”. Jesus is coming like a thief, in the night. The Night Watchmen The Noble And Ancient Order Of Night Watchmen has upheld this truth for many centuries[1]. The Night Watchmen are committed to being awake when the Lord returns. The Night Watchmen sleep during the day but stay awake throughout the night. The Night Watchmen avoid the sun, taking seriously Paul’s warning that “the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). The Night Watchmen uphold the example of King David who meditated on God in the night watches (Psalm 63:6). [1] Although the initial formation of The Night Watchmen is shrouded in mystery, the claim that the Order is several centuries old appears sound. Tradition tells us that the great artist Rembrandt was an early member and alluded to the Society in at least one of his paintings. [ed.] | The Night Watchmen are committed to a right-wing political stance, as advocated by the Bible. eg Ecclesiastes 10:2 “The heart of the wise inclines to the Right, but the heart of the fool to the Left”. A Lesson from the Wise and Foolish Virgins Many people, including the so-called “church scholars” have doubted The Night Watchmen’s understanding of 1 Thessalonians 5:2, but such men are the “blind fools” who Jesus condemns in Matthew 23:17. They claim that the Thessalonians verse is ambiguous, but they ignore the fact that the whole of the New Testament supports the doctrine of Nocturnal Return. For instance, they ignore the parable of the wise and foolish virgins in Matthew 25. The foolish ones let their oil run out and were asleep when the bridegroom came. But look at verse 6: “And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him”. Of course, “midnight” does not mean literally 12 o’clock (otherwise verse 13 would make no sense), but it refers to sometime in the middle of the night. Some have claimed that verse 13 refutes our view since it says “ye know neither the day nor the hour”. But just because this verse mentions “day” does not mean that the Lord’s return will be during daylight hours. Of course no-one can know the “day”, because it’s not going to be during the day, but the night! | In fact, two Greek words are translated as “day” in English. One, augh, indicates the brightness of the sun. The second, hmera, is the more generic term which encompasses both day-time and night-time. In Matthew 25:13, as in all verses which mention the “day” of the Lord’s return, it is the second word (hmera) which is used. There is no foundation in the Greek for claiming that Jesus will return during daylight hours. Be Watchful The parable of the wise and foolish virgins was not the only time when Jesus hinted at his Nocturnal Return. We should also take note of his words recorded in Luke 12:35-40. Here, Jesus shows that a master is right to expect that his servants will be ready when he returns home. And verse 38 says “even if he comes in the second or third watch of the night”! The Night Watchmen will be ready. Will you? |
The leaflet finished with an address to write to for more information on membership of The Night Watchmen. I’ve been tempted to write to them to point out their errors, but it’s always hard to know what approach to take. I don’t know, what would you say?
The attached PDF shows my original formatting.